Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
