I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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