ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
