Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
