Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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