farters have to be the big spoon...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
