There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
