I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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