My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
