good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
