I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
