Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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