Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
