I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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