All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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