There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
