Pappa wants mamma naked
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
