Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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