Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
