On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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