I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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