Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
