I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
