I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
