We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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