you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
