How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
