Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
