I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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