So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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