And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
