You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
false alarm, still single
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