Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
