Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
