he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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