I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I love you. Go after that dick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
