Someone shit on the floor
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
