She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
