are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
