when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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