yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How naked do you want me to be?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
