please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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