what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
