I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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