If that was your dad, he is hot
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
