Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
