I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
