dude i'm inner monologue high
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
