i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
