you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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