i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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